Tag Archives: grief

nothing

Social media is a strange landscape, and my desire to share and my ability to open myself ebbs and flows. In anger or other moments of strong feeling, I fling myself into the arena. In moments of dissociation, in the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Most of my family–Abi, Tsi, Mama, Papa–are away on vacation, and my Talia-Is-Dead brain says that they are all going to die while they’re out of my eyesight. The fact that their initial destination was Seattle does not help (but they didn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Feb 6

Dear heart, Last year on this day, February 6, we were sisters. Last year, this day, a Thursday, we talked over text message as my train ambled south from Portland. “Cousin sighting!” I said. “Neeva is on this train, too.” … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

eleven months

Eleven months and no sister. I did not think I could bear this place, and perhaps last year I could not. What was weighty then is no lighter now, but my muscles are more accustomed to the strain. And after … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

circle

I am drafting my grad school statement of purpose while listening to Zach Sobiech’s Clouds. The last time I looped this song was the morning after Talia died, lying on my stomach on the dining room floor of our friends’ … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

8 months

Some mornings I wake to a pit that storms beneath my stomach. Today is October 20th. Another 20th. Eight months. Two thirds of a year. Talia is gone. Talia is gone. My brain reminds me at mundane moments, as I … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

I look like I have it together. I’m working. I wear clothes. I wash my hair and my body regularly. I often feel like I have it together. And between looking like I have it together and living in my … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment