Tag Archives: grief

Wisp of thought

Little sister, you were so close you could have been my shadow. You were neither separate from me nor fully attached, but always near, your life growing next to mine, the two of us entwined. At 28, 23 begins to … Continue reading

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nothing

Social media is a strange landscape, and my desire to share and my ability to open myself ebbs and flows. In anger or other moments of strong feeling, I fling myself into the arena. In moments of dissociation, in the … Continue reading

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Most of my family–Abi, Tsi, Mama, Papa–are away on vacation, and my Talia-Is-Dead brain says that they are all going to die while they’re out of my eyesight. The fact that their initial destination was Seattle does not help (but they didn’t … Continue reading

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Feb 6

Dear heart, Last year on this day, February 6, we were sisters. Last year, this day, a Thursday, we talked over text message as my train ambled south from Portland. “Cousin sighting!” I said. “Neeva is on this train, too.” … Continue reading

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eleven months

Eleven months and no sister. I did not think I could bear this place, and perhaps last year I could not. What was weighty then is no lighter now, but my muscles are more accustomed to the strain. And after … Continue reading

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circle

I am drafting my grad school statement of purpose while listening to Zach Sobiech’s Clouds. The last time I looped this song was the morning after Talia died, lying on my stomach on the dining room floor of our friends’ … Continue reading

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8 months

Some mornings I wake to a pit that storms beneath my stomach. Today is October 20th. Another 20th. Eight months. Two thirds of a year. Talia is gone. Talia is gone. My brain reminds me at mundane moments, as I … Continue reading

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